Before I get started, I've never mentioned this before on the blog, but I'm actually a medical student - I just started this year in 2014. From my studies, I've already been exposed to death indirectly - how to talk with patients who have terminal illnesses and how to break bad news.
Recently, I also had an assignment about the Patient in the Community, which involved myself and a partner visiting a patient at their home and discussing with them how their chronic illnesses have affected their life. We then had to present in a tutorial - which was today, in my case. I've discussed my patient's case with my partner and others before, but other than feeling a deep soul-wrenching coldness when talking about her difficulties, I didn't feel anything overwhelmingly sad.
But today as I presented it, I reached the area where I discussed their great respect for her GP and how they would follow him to the end of the earth because he was just that great, and I could feel myself breaking down.
Two days after the interview, I heard the terrible news that this GP - who turned out to have lectured us before - had suddenly passed away on the day of the interview due to a heart attack. I was struck dumb when I found out, but the realisation of what that truly meant only hit me when I made the connection between him and my patient.
I noticed as well, that as soon as I had established that I actually knew him indirectly, my mourning had increased severalfold, to the point where I teared up - even though I had never personally met him. I admit, I was ashamed of myself when I acknowledged it.
A life is a life, regardless of your connection with them.
He left behind a legacy of being a doctor who was kind and genuinely caring; one who would take the time to explain things to the patient and who treat them as friends and humans - the exact kind of doctor I've always wanted to be. The fact that such a man had passed away so suddenly was devastating, and after hearing the experiences of the patient, I was reminded of the fragility of life and how easy it is for us to be here one moment and gone the next.
The very next day, the late journalist James Foley was reported to have been assassinated by ISIS.
Again, I was stunned. The fact that the murderers had actually uploaded the video for the whole world to see sparked a whole new level of disgust within me. I just couldn't - and I still can't - comprehend the pain his family and friends must have experienced when the news was released. And even worse for me, what he must have been feeling as he knelt and read the statement.
To know that you're going to die, and in such a cruel way, is terrible and it chills me to the deepest depths of my bones to think about. I still pray that his passing was swift and that he is now in a better place and that all those who hold him dear may remain strong.
And this again, brings me back to today. As I mentioned earlier, when I was presenting my patient's case, I was starting to break down when I reached their relationship with their doctor. However, the true breaking point for me was discussing the times when their illness was so bad, they've just wished they weren't alive. The worst part of their illness they said, was the knowledge that the pain they've experienced is going to happen again, and they're scared.
"I'm such a coward", they said.
It's difficult for me to express in words the impact that one sentence had upon me. To call yourself a coward... It's such a self-deprecating statement, and about something so relateable, too. Of course you'd be afraid. I'm not going to detail anything of their condition, but trust me when I say no-one would want that kind of pain again. To call yourself a coward is robbing yourself of any dignity you have as a human. A coward... the word implies so much. A lack of honour. Irrational fear. Even urban dictionary acknowledges it as the most insulting word known to man.
And this person is stomping on their own being with that idea.
No good human should ever have such a low sense of self-esteem that they would call themselves a coward. This patient has suffered so much, but they power on and continue to live a fulfilling life, even if they can't do many things we take for granted.
It takes a lot of commendable bravery for someone to be able to live on as they do - they are absolutely not a coward.
Maybe I'll someday have to courage to tell them these thoughts in my head. Although our correspondence should have ended, I toy with the idea of writing them a letter to give them my post-interview thoughts - to give them more encouragement which will hopefully give them a lift on the days where things are just bad.
And today on the 6pm news, the death of Steven Sotloff was announced and again, the same feelings I had of James Foley arose. I had already been contemplating the precariousness of life as an aftermath of presenting my patient's case so this news struck chords even deeper than the previous ISIS murder.
The fact that they have a third lined up and ready sends fear racing through my veins and I hope and pray with every fibre of my being that this man, David Haines, will not be killed. What they're doing is atrocious and I will refrain from expressing myself on their actions. Just, stop.
I fear a third world war will arise from this conflict and I can't even imagine how it's going to affect the world. All the soldiers who already involved are fighting for their lives and the lives of all the hostages and victims alike. It hurts me that they're putting themselves at risk like that for us, and I also pray that they're all in good health and spirits and that they emerge from this war healthy and sound in both mind and body.
And finally, just two hours ago, I found out that K-Pop idol EunB of Ladies' Code (LC) has died in a car accident at 1:20am KST. Her bandmates are all in hospital, as are her manager and coordi.
To be quite honest, I have to say that this is the piece of news that shocked me the most.
We take what we have for granted. As a K-Pop fan, I never would have thought an idol would pass away so suddenly. Fans of Ladies' Code would never have thought they would lose their beloved rapper and that's to say nothing of the bandmates themselves who have lost not only a teammate but a close friend - a sister.
The entire K-Pop fandom has been rallying in support of LC, their family and fans as have the K-Celebrities themselves. As well as sending their condolences and prayers, many of them have expressed the same thoughts as myself: Taeil of Block B commented that just a few hours prior, he had greeted her at the stage, and that it was scary and saddening that she is now gone.
The hashtag #RIPEunB is trending No. 1 on Twitter and #PrayforLadiesCode is 5th. The support is huge and I also send all my condolences to everyone affected.
One thing I do have to comment on though, is the vast difference between the passing of the journalists and EunB. Many people all over the world are openly mourning EunB's death, but other than stern news reports of the journalists' deaths, I haven't heard much on media outlets.
Although I completely understand the loss felt by the entire K-Pop community (being a member myself), a part of me wishes James Foley and Steven Sotloff could have the same amount of soulful and genuine mourning, rather than the evil videos of their death.
Recently, death has been all around us, it seems. For many of you, none of these people I've mentioned here have had any impact upon your lives, but I just want to mention this:
Death is always present. It's a hard fact of life that every person on this Earth will move on and leave the living behind, and someone's death will always leave an impact upon at least one other life. Even though you may not be affected, know that at least one person on this world has lost someone and is feeling one of the deepest levels of pain known to man. If we could all share just a small piece of that grief, if we could all support one another, I have faith that all of humanity would benefit and for those experiencing the pain, the burden could be lightened, even if it's just a little and the road to recovery be just that smidgen smoother.
- Kate
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| RIP James Foley October 18, 1973- c. August 19, 2014 "He gave his life trying to expose the world to the suffering of the Syrian people" |
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| RIP Steven Sotloff May 11, 1983- September 2, 2014 Journalist, Son, Brother and Friend "He deeply loved the Islamic world" |
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| RIP Go Eun Bi (EunB) November 11, 1992- September 3, 2014 Thank you for everything you've given your fans. They'll love you forever. |
